How many times have you gone into a situatuion feeling like you knew everything there was to know? Your palms sweat a little less, you're less nervous, perhaps even a feeling a bit more bold? Remember going into a final exam where you knew you weren't ready? It's a lousy feeling and you hope for the best but know you should have prepared. (On a side note when was the last time you had that dream where you show up for the final but you haven't been to class all semester? Yikes!).
Try going in knowing as much as you can and work as hard as you can to prepare. The end result may not be exactly what you wanted, but you went in with confidence. Knoweldge does in fact breed confidence. It's no different than being in a social situation where you REALLY know the topic of conversation. Apply that to real life and your successful outcomes will undoubtedly begin to increase.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Isn’t there only ONE WAY to settle a dispute?
If there's anything I picked up in mediations that I have done, it's that there's more than one way to settle a dispute. Really? Isn't it always "about the money?"
Well yes, it usually is........however.....the journey through a mediation might include some alternatives you didn't think of. They can range from an apology to vocalizing how much you respect the other side's position (even if you really don't agree with it) to a handshake and a smile. Not that any of these have monetary value, yet each can set a mood. Opening the lines of communication gets everybody thinking and believe it or not, provides a good feeling in an otherwise lousy situation. Everyone wants to get a deal done, but no one wants to do it in an environment of hostility. Creating this tone will get things moving in a positive direction (I just want this over with!) and you'll get some creative solutions and ideas.
Always respect the other side's position, even if you don't agree with it. It will never work against you.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Trusting Your Gut!
How many times have you been in a situation where your mind is telling you one thing and your gut is telling you another? Most of us have a hard time distinguishing between the two because we believe what we want, not what we should.
Your mind creates a picture, an outcome, a "perfect" solution, But it's usually your gut that's correct – I can’t count how often, when faced with having to make a choice, I’ll make the wrong one and afterwards kick myself and say what all of us have said: "I should have trusted my gut." If something doesn't feel right it probably isn't. The next time you are faced with this circumstance, where your mind is going in one direction but you get that "pit" in your stomach, take the time to really examine why. You may not make the perfect choice, but at the very least you can say that you took the time to find out why you had that “gnawing feeling.” I can almost guarantee that it will help you make a better decision…..the next time.
Your mind creates a picture, an outcome, a "perfect" solution, But it's usually your gut that's correct – I can’t count how often, when faced with having to make a choice, I’ll make the wrong one and afterwards kick myself and say what all of us have said: "I should have trusted my gut." If something doesn't feel right it probably isn't. The next time you are faced with this circumstance, where your mind is going in one direction but you get that "pit" in your stomach, take the time to really examine why. You may not make the perfect choice, but at the very least you can say that you took the time to find out why you had that “gnawing feeling.” I can almost guarantee that it will help you make a better decision…..the next time.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Establishing or (now that its' unraveled, how can I Re-establish) Trust:
When I meet parties in mediation I have to keep in mind that I know virtually nothing about their situation – a situation that they may have been living with for years. So, in order to “catch myself up” on what they are thinking and feeling, I make sure that I do one thing and I try to do it well – I listen. Sometimes people have not had a chance whatsoever to voice their feelings and frustrations and they need that time to simply vent. Other times they have figured out what the end result should be and are ready to start negotiating. Most of the time it’s somewhere in between.
I can’t tell you how many times people thank me for my help and all I did was listen to their answer to my two questions…..“what do you want to accomplish today?” and “if you had a magic wand, what would be the best possible outcome you can think of?” Believe it or not both questions really get people where I need them to be – to start thinking about solutions – they may start with an unreasonable “list” but over time they realize that in order to get you have to give. The key to getting to a settlement of any kind, whether it is a partial or full agreement, is to hear what each side is telling you. So, if you are experiencing any kind of disagreement you have to listen and HEAR what the other side has to say. After all, their perception has most likely become their reality. Once you acknowledge their position, even if you don’t believe or agree with it, you’ve at least moved in the right direction. You’ll never establish or re-establish trust until the other side knows that you are listening. You might be very surprised at what happens next. At the very least it might open the door to a mindset that it’s worth talking about more, with or without the help of someone like me.
I can’t tell you how many times people thank me for my help and all I did was listen to their answer to my two questions…..“what do you want to accomplish today?” and “if you had a magic wand, what would be the best possible outcome you can think of?” Believe it or not both questions really get people where I need them to be – to start thinking about solutions – they may start with an unreasonable “list” but over time they realize that in order to get you have to give. The key to getting to a settlement of any kind, whether it is a partial or full agreement, is to hear what each side is telling you. So, if you are experiencing any kind of disagreement you have to listen and HEAR what the other side has to say. After all, their perception has most likely become their reality. Once you acknowledge their position, even if you don’t believe or agree with it, you’ve at least moved in the right direction. You’ll never establish or re-establish trust until the other side knows that you are listening. You might be very surprised at what happens next. At the very least it might open the door to a mindset that it’s worth talking about more, with or without the help of someone like me.